Narrator: As a minister worked in his church office, there is an unexpected knock at the door. There were no scheduled appointments on the calendar. A tall man enters with his son. The son was equally tall but half the weight. Short greetings are accompanied by brief handshakes. The dad directs his son in front of the chair opposite a curious minister and with a firm hand on his son’s shoulder he pushes the kid into the seat.

Dad: My son does not value respect. He thinks he knows everything and he won’t listen to me. As I was taking him to baseball practice we argued in the car And before he steps on the field, he puffs up his chest and gets in my face! I grabbed his scrawny arm, threw his glove in the trunk and brought him here. See if you can fix him before he loses a roof over his head. I can’t get through to him.

Narrator: Dad extends a business card to the pastor with a brief instruction.

Dad: Call me when your done and I’ll pick him up.

Narrator: It was obvious that the kid wanted to be anywhere in the whole world except the office of a minister. Nearly every muscle in his body was tense, even in his nearly reclining posture in the wingback chair. The minister was at a loss for words. How do you talk with someone who doesn’t want to hear you speak? What do you say? How do you connect? Eye contact was out of the question. The pastor decided to tiptoe into the flood of hostility in the young man.

Pastor: So, what happened? (pause)

What did you and your father fight about? (pause) I mean, did you guys get into it, physically? Or just yell at each other?

Kid: (Angrily.) Look! My dad yells. I take it. Someday I’ll be out of his house and I won’t have to take it anymore. Until then, I have nothing to hear from him and nothing to say.

Pastor: What set everything off? (Pause) What made your dad lose his mind? Did you steal the car? Kill the cat? Tape a little brother to the ceiling? (Long pause.) Did you fail a geometry quiz, cut holes in his suit pockets, eat all the Oreos?

Narrator: There were no responses either verbal or physical.

Pastor: We are both wasting our time here. It’s obvious you and your old man have important stuff to discuss but I don’t see how. . .

Kid: Look, I’m never speaking to him again. I have nothing to say. There is nothing to hear. There is no discussion.

Narrator: Seeing that there was nothing to be gained, the pastor decided to poke the bear, so to speak.

Pastor: OK, I get it. You’re just another teenage kid who’s mad at his dad. If I had a nickel for every ticked off young man who sat in that chair. . .I bet you don’t even know why you’re mad! I bet you all full of piss and vinegar and you can’t tell me because you don’t even know!

Narrator: The young man eyes looked up, surprised. He was not expecting the pastor to go on the offensive, but it confirmed his predetermined negative impression of clergy and the church, full of judgement and condemnation.

Kid: You have no idea what goes on in that house!

Pastor: Neither do you!

Kid: I live there! I hear that crap every day.

Pastor: What crap?

Kid: (pause) It doesn’t matter. We are never going to speak to each other anyway.

Pastor: Listen, son, I dare you to vomit diary.

Kid: Huh?

Pastor: Vomit diary. Don’t try to look it up. I made it up. Just grab a piece of paper and spew out everything you are thinking and feeling about your relationship with your dad. What you see on the paper may surprise you. I think you have so much going on in your head that none of it makes sense anymore. Until you get it out of your head and in front of your eyes I don’t think anything is going to change!

Kid: At least the last part is right. Nothing is going to change.

Pastor: (pause) Change is never a big deal. Really. People don’t get it, but change, it’s the easy part. The hard part is the “want to.” Doing something different is not a big deal. But wanting to do something different is a huge deal. If you don’t want a change in the relationship with your dad, it is certainly impossible. If you do want something different…if you want it…then it can happen. No doubt.

Kid: Then I guess nothing is going to change. Are we done here?

Pastor: I guess we are, but let me know if you decide to give the vomit diary a try. I would at least respect your effort to figure out what’s truly going on in your head and not just your imagination.

Narrator: And that was all the youth needed as a reason to bolt. The young man left the office. The pastor called the dad’s cell with the number from the business card and apologized for not having a greater effect on his son.

About 24 hours later, as the pastor worked in his office, there was an unexpected knock at the door. In enters the same young man from the day before, with cleats over his shoulder ready for practice. Short greetings accompany brief handshakes. As the teenager plops himself in the wingback chair, he thrusts a piece of paper on the table with the open palm of his hand.